Why Finding the Right Therapist is More Important Than You Think!
By Melody Wright, LMFT
**This post may contain affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.Starting therapy can feel like a huge step
It’s brave.
It’s vulnerable.
It’s something you’re doing because deep down, you know it’s time for change.
If you’ve been thinking of starting therapy for a while you may be unsure of what to say or where to begin. For some, it might be terrifying and liberating all at once. One thing I always remind my clients is that simply being in therapy isn't enough—it’s about finding the right therapist who truly connects with you.
You see, therapy isn’t just about showing up and talking.
It’s about finding someone who can truly see you, understand you, and guide you in a way that feels right.
It’s a relationship—one that requires trust, connection, and most importantly, safety.
If you’ve ever felt like therapy wasn’t “working” for you, or like you weren’t getting what you needed, the fit between you and your therapist might be the missing piece.
It’s more important than most people realize.
Why Therapist Compatibility Matters
Therapy is a lot like dating, it’s a deeply personal process.
You are sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences that you might not feel comfortable telling anyone else. This is why the connection between you and your therapist needs to feel safe, supportive, and non-judgmental.
When you feel truly understood, therapy can flow more easily, making it a space where real progress happens.
However, if that connection isn’t there, therapy can feel more like a task to complete rather than an opportunity to grow. You may hesitate to be honest, hold back important details, or feel frustrated that you’re not being heard.
Therapy should feel like a partnership—a collaborative effort between you and your therapist to navigate the challenges you’re facing.
If you would like to learn more about things to consider before starting therapy, check out our other blog - Are You Ready for Therapy? 6 Things to Consider Before Starting Your Journey.
4 Questions To Ask to Determine If Your Therapist Is A Good Fit
Do I feel safe and supported? 🌻
It's important to feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts without fear of judgment.
If you're experiencing anxiety, remember that it's normal to feel some nervousness in therapy.
However, we encourage you to reflect on whether this anxiety is related to the therapeutic process itself or if you might feel unsafe with your therapist.
If you're unsure, it's worth exploring these feelings more deeply to better understand what’s going on.
If you find yourself feeling tense or anxious during sessions, it might be a sign that the relationship isn’t quite right.
Does my therapist truly understand me? 🌻
While therapists are trained to understand various perspectives, it’s crucial that you feel truly seen and understood during your sessions.
Your therapist may not always agree with your views, but you should feel that they genuinely grasp where you're coming from.
A red flag to watch for is if you find yourself having to over-explain your feelings or perspective repeatedly.
If your therapist dismisses or argues against your experience, like responding to a painful moment with justification for someone else's behavior, it can leave you feeling invalidated and unseen.
If this is something that happens, it might be worth exploring whether the therapist's fit is a factor.
Is the therapy style working for me? 🌻
Different therapists use different approaches. For example, some may focus on problem-solving, while others emphasize processing emotions through the mind-body connection.
If you feel like your therapist's methods don’t align with your needs, it’s worth discussing whether a different approach could be more effective.
A therapist who’s open and responsive will listen without taking offense, and they’ll engage in a collaborative conversation about how they can support you, which will empower you to choose what's best.
Am I making progress? 🌻
Healing is rarely a straight path, and the journey looks different for everyone.
Over time, though, therapy should help you feel that you're gaining insight into yourself or managing life’s challenges with a bit more ease.
If you find yourself feeling stuck or not gaining value from your sessions, it may be a sign worth exploring.
Feeling this way doesn’t automatically mean the therapist isn’t a good fit, but it’s an opportunity to discuss your concerns with them.
An open conversation about what you need or adjustments to the approach might help, and a supportive therapist will welcome this feedback.
However, if things still don’t feel right after trying to address these needs, it’s okay to consider that another therapist might be better suited to support your growth.
Why It’s Okay to Switch Therapists
While it might feel uncomfortable to admit when a therapist isn’t working out, it’s important to remember that therapy is for you. If the fit isn’t right, it’s perfectly okay to explore other options.
Please know that if you need to switch therapists it doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re prioritizing your needs.
Therapy should be a space where you feel empowered and supported, and sometimes finding that means trying a few different professionals before you find the right one.
Just as you would with a friendship or romantic relationship, trust your instincts.
If something feels off, it’s okay to move on.
Why Is It Important to Have a Therapist Who Is A Good Fit?
When you do find a therapist who fits your needs, the benefits can be life-changing.
A therapist who is truly a good fit can help you:
Build trust and openness: You’ll feel more comfortable sharing difficult or painful parts of your life, which is essential for healing.
Develop coping strategies that work for you: A therapist who gets you can offer personalized tools and techniques that align with your personality and lifestyle.
Stay motivated in your healing journey: Feeling supported and understood can keep you engaged in therapy, even when the work is challenging.
Experience deeper healing: When you’re able to fully engage in therapy with someone who you feel safe with, you’re more likely to experience breakthroughs and long-term progress.
How to Find the Right Therapist for You
Now, how exactly do you find the right fit? I’m glad you asked (😉)
Here are a few tips to help you in the process.
Just remember finding the right therapist can take time, and that’s okay:
Reflect on what you’re looking for: Before you start your search, take some time to think about what’s important to you in a therapist. Do you want someone who specializes in a particular area, or are you looking for a specific therapeutic approach? Understanding your needs can help you narrow down your options.
Ask for recommendations: Word of mouth can be a powerful tool in finding a therapist. Ask friends, family, or even your primary care doctor if they have any recommendations.
Research potential therapists: Many therapists have websites where you can learn more about their background, specialties, and approach. Take the time to read through their profiles and see if anyone resonates with you.
Trust your instincts: When you meet with a therapist for the first time, pay attention to how you feel. Do they seem warm and approachable? Do you feel like you can trust them? Your instincts can be a helpful guide in finding the right fit.
Don’t be afraid to try multiple therapists: I suggest seeing if the therapist or company you’re looking into has the option to engage in a phone consultation or meet & greet before committing to sessions.
Final Reflections
Finding the right therapist can feel like an overwhelming process, but I promise it’s worth the effort.
The right fit can make therapy a more fulfilling, effective, and transformative experience. And remember, the goal is to find someone who can walk alongside you on your healing journey, providing the tools and support you need to thrive.
Trust yourself in this process, and don’t be afraid to seek out what feels best for you.
If you are looking for a therapist who might be a good fit for you and you live in California, consider connecting with our Coordinator to see if one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy™ might be a good fit for you. You can CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today!
This Weeks Affirmations
I am worthy of a safe, non-judgmental space to share my feelings.
My mental health is a priority, and I will advocate for the care I deserve.
Healing takes time, and finding the right support is part of that process.
I trust the process of finding a therapist who aligns with my goals and needs.
It’s okay to prioritize my needs and find a therapist who is the right fit for me.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about starting therapy and the importance of self-growth check out these books below:
In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists by Deborah A. Lott
Why Therapy Works: Using Our Minds to Change Our Brains by Louis Cozolino
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
