Understanding and Unlocking The Potential of Your Window of Tolerance

By Melody Wright, LMFT

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Do you ever notice yourself feeling stressed out, out of control or on edge?

Or, the opposite: do you find yourself feeling zoned out, numb or shut down?

These states of hyper- and hypo-arousal suggest that you're operating outside of your window of tolerance, a term used in therapy to describe the state when you're at your best and most able to cope with any challenges thrown your way. Check out the Window of Tolerance diagram below to see how various trauma responses, emotional states, and physical symptoms show up in the window of tolerance.

what is the window of tolerance

The window of tolerance is a widely used term in somatic therapy, which highlights the importance of staying within an optimal range of arousal to regulate our nervous system and our emotions. This window of tolerance represents the range of arousal or emotion a person can tolerate without becoming dysregulated. When a person is outside of this window, they may feel overwhelmed, out of control, or even triggered by certain experiences.

Staying within your window of tolerance is essential for operating at an optimal, rational level of functioning where you can remain regulated, present, calm and in each moment. With the help of somatic therapy, you can learn to recognize when you are outside of your window of tolerance and use various body-based tools and techniques to regulate their body and mind to return to a balanced state.

what shapes our window of tolerance

The window of tolerance can be shaped by several factors, including a person's life experiences, unresolved trauma, and the ability to utilize self-regulation skills. Life experiences that may be traumatic or emotionally dysregulating can cause a person to feel overwhelmed and outside their window of tolerance. Unresolved trauma can also cause a person to become stuck in a hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused state. Lastly, the ability to utilize self-regulation skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and journaling, can help a person stay in the window of tolerance and maintain emotional regulation during times of high stress.

what happens when our Window of Tolerance shrinks

When you feel safe and supported, you are most likely to be able to cope with events that threaten to push you outside your window of tolerance. But when a stressful or traumatic event occurs, your window of tolerance may narrow or shrink. The narrower your window of tolerance, the more intense and difficult it may be to manage your emotions and moments of stress. As a result, you may react to minor stressors with a disproportionate response of hyper- or hypo-arousal. 

Traumatic events impact our ability to self-soothe and self-regulate. In other words, we are no longer able to comfort ourselves and reign in our emotions the way we are able to when we are within our window of tolerance. Trauma also changes our thoughts and beliefs, creating a new way of thinking and feeling that perpetuates the cycle of hyper- or hypo-arousal.

People who frequently operate outside their window of tolerance may be more likely to experience symptoms of depression (a state of extreme hypo-arousal) or anxiety (a state of extreme hyper-arousal). Someone who is often in a state of hyper-arousal due to a traumatic incident may develop post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, leading them to experience flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, derealization and depersonalization. 

If you’re interested in some of our favorite body-based tools to regulate, Check Out This Link Here.

How to Manage Your Window of Tolerance

A trained somatic therapist can support you by beginning to identify your specific patterns of hyper- or hypo-arousal and can guide you through body-based techniques that can help you move from a more aroused state to a calmer state.  This process includes increasing awareness around when you are operating within your window versus when you are feeling dysregulated and outside of your window.  Some of these techniques include mindfulness, grounding and thought reframing.

how Mindfulness supports with emotional regulation

Mindfulness techniques encourage us to remain focused on the present moment, rather than living in the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness practices can include meditation or deep breathing, as well as activities like listening to music, cooking or eating and practicing yoga. Anything can become a mindfulness practice if it is done with intention! Utilizing mindfulness in a therapy session can support you with learning how to regulate your nervous system and feel a sense of calm and ease within your body.

Grounding techniques and the window of tolerance

Grounding techniques also encourage you to stay rooted in the present moment, or grounded, by taking stock of the world around you. Here's an easy grounding exercise to try next time you feel like you might leave your window of tolerance: name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Using our senses helps us stay grounded in the present moment and can bring us back down to earth when we feel hyper- or hypo-aroused.  A therapist can support you in grounding when you begin to feel a heighten sense of arousal during session.

Thought Reframing to support emotional well-being

As we mentioned, traumatic events can generate thought patterns and beliefs that threaten to disrupt our well-being. For example, after hearing a verbally abusive partner's comments for long enough, a person may go on to believe that they are worthless and that no one will love them. Learning to examine the evidence for and against these thoughts can help you decide if these thoughts are worth listening to -- or whether they are negative beliefs shaped by your history.  Our therapists utilize a wide range of tools such as expressive arts, sand tray, role playing, movement, and other tools to explore both the conscious and subconscious thoughts or beliefs you may be holding.

Learning how to expanding your window of tolerance can be challenging to do by yourself. However, with the help of a qualified somatic therapist, you can learn to regulate your emotions and intentionally bring yourself back into your window whenever you are feeling stress or overwhelm.

THERAPY REFLECTIONS

1. How do you know when you are feeling anxious? What are some of the first physical signs that you notice?

2. How do you know when you are feeling down or depressed? What do you do or say to yourself when you’re feeling down?

3. What have you done in the past that has helped you feel better in those moments?

4. What are some of your go-to activities that help you when you’re feeling stress or overwhelm?

affirmations for healing

1. I am open to new experiences and embracing new opportunities.

2. I trust my intuition and follow my inner guidance.

3. I give myself permission to live in the present moment.

4. I am connected to the energy of the universe.

5. I have the power to create my own reality.

6. I am worthy and deserving of love, joy, abundance and inner peace.

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on the Window of Tolerance and Emotional Regulation, check out these books below:

1. Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma by Elizabeth A. Stanley

2. The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation

3. The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, by Babette Rothschild

4. The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation

5. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk

6. Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, by Laurence Heller

7. The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You, by Karla McLaren

8. Nurturing Resilience: Helping Clients Move Forward from Developmental Trauma--An Integrative Somatic Approach

9. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Stan Tatkin

10. How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

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