How to Cope with the First Holiday After Loss
By Melody Wright, LMFT
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The lights are twinkling, the music is playing, and everyone around you seems to be swept up in the joy of the season.
But for you, there’s an empty space, maybe it’s a seat at the table, a voice in the laughter, a presence you wish more than anything could still be here.
One moment, you might find yourself smiling at a memory, and the next, the tears come out of nowhere.
Grief is like that: unpredictable, messy, and so very human.
If you’re bracing yourself for the season ahead, know this: it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling right now.
There’s no right or wrong way to do this.
The holidays often magnify loss, and the “shoulds” of the season can feel heavy…
I should be happier.
I should keep the traditions.
I should be stronger.
But what if, instead of focusing on “should,” you gave yourself permission to simply be?
This blog isn’t about “fixing” your grief or pretending the holidays aren’t hard, it’s about offering a little light in the dark, some practical ways to care for yourself, and reminders that you’re not alone.
Because even in loss, you are still deserving of care, connection, and moments of peace.
8 Ways To Cope With the Holidays After Loss
Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s okay to feel exactly how you’re feeling right now.
Grief doesn’t come with a map. Some days, you might feel overwhelming sadness, while others, you might feel nothing at all, and that’s completely okay. The holidays have a way of intensifying these feelings because they highlight what’s missing. Taking time to acknowledge your emotions, without judgment, helps you process them in a healthy way.
What this looks like: Take a moment to sit with your feelings, whatever they are. If you’re sad, let the tears come. If you’re angry, name that anger. Journaling or talking with someone you trust can help release what’s inside. Remember, you don’t have to “hold it together” all the time.
Adjust Traditions If Needed
You don’t have to do it all this year.
Or even next year.
If the idea of carrying out every holiday tradition feels exhausting or painful, it’s okay to make changes. Letting go of traditions that feel too heavy right now isn’t a betrayal of your loved one, it’s an act of self-care.
What this looks like: Pick one or two traditions that feel comforting, not overwhelming. Maybe this year, you order a pre-cooked holiday meal instead of making everything yourself. Or you opt for a quiet evening with close friends instead of a big family gathering. It’s okay to give yourself permission to choose what feels right for you.
Lean on Your Support Systems
This might be hard for some, but it’s okay to let people in, even if you’re not sure what to say.
Sometimes grief can feel incredibly isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. There are people who care about you and want to help, even if they don’t always know how. Letting someone sit with you, whether in shared silence or over a cup of tea, can remind you that you’re not alone in this.
What this looks like: Reach out to someone you trust and let them know how they can support you. Maybe it’s joining you for a quiet dinner or simply being a shoulder to lean on. And if you’re not ready for company, that’s okay too, a heartfelt text or phone call can go a long way.
Create a New Ritual in Their Honor
It’s okay to keep their memory alive in ways that feel meaningful to you.
Sometimes, the best way to honor a loved one during the holidays is to create new traditions that include their memory. It’s not about pretending they’re still here but rather celebrating the impact they had on your life.
What this looks like: Light a candle at dinner in their honor, bake their favorite holiday treat, or make a donation to a cause they cared about. These gestures can remind you, and others, that their love and legacy live on.
Practice Self-Compassion
You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
Grief has a way of inviting self-doubt. You might wonder if you’re “grieving the right way” or feel guilty for laughing during a moment of joy. But grief isn’t a test you have to pass. It’s a journey, and self-compassion is your greatest ally.
What this looks like: When you hear that inner critic, “I should be stronger” or “I’m not doing enough”, pause and replace it with kindness: “I’m doing my best in a really hard situation.” Be as gentle with yourself as you would with a dear friend.
Plan Ahead for Emotional Waves
The hard moments are completely normal and a part of this process.
Certain holiday moments may hit you harder than others, and that’s okay. Anticipating these waves of emotion can help you feel more prepared when they come.
What this looks like: If you know seeing their empty chair at the table will be painful, plan for it. Maybe take a moment beforehand to honor their memory with a toast or step outside for a breather if it feels too heavy. Having a plan doesn’t take away the pain, but it can make it feel a little more manageable.
Accept Help When Offered
You don’t have to do it all yourself.
When grief feels all-consuming, even small tasks can feel impossible. Accepting help from others isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a way to let people show their love for you.
What this looks like: When someone offers to help, do your best to let them. Maybe they can handle the cooking or pick up groceries for you. Sometimes, even just having someone around to sit with you can feel like a weight lifted.
Consider Working Through a Grief Workbook
Having a guide can make this season a little less overwhelming.
Grief can feel like walking through a fog, and a workbook can help you navigate all the ups and downs this journey carries. It can give you space to explore your feelings, remember your loved one, and find meaning in this new chapter of your life.
What this looks like: Set aside quiet time to work through a page or two of a grief workbook. Let it guide you through this time with care and intention.
Final Reflections
Navigating the first holiday after loss is an act of courage. You’re showing up for yourself, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Please remember there’s no perfect way to get through this season. Step by step, moment by moment, you’ll find your way through. Be patient with yourself, and know that wherever you are on your journey, you are not alone.
P.S. Our grief workbook is here to support you, it’s filled with gentle exercises and tools to help you navigate this season with care.❤️
This Weeks Affirmations
I am doing the best I can, and that is more than enough.
There is no ‘right’ way to grieve. I will trust myself to do what feels right for me.
I can honor my loved one in my own way, in my own time.
I am allowed to set boundaries to protect my peace.
It’s okay to feel everything or nothing at all. My emotions are valid and deserve space.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about navigating grief check out these books below:
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman
The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller
How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies by Therese A. Rando
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